Awesome Possum

Something occurred to me today:

I was talking to my boyfriend about Harry Potter. I was just saying how sad I was that it was over and how there would never be a new book or movie or blah, blah, blah. You know the drill, just another Potterhead going through withdrawal. 

Well, as I was lamenting my sorrow over this, my boyfriend suddenly said, “It’s only over for now.” To which I immediately sobbed, “It’s over FOREVER. FOR. EVER!!!!!”

And he said, “No, because one day you and I will have kids and you can read it to them. It’ll be brand new to them.”

I thought about this for a moment and then got really excited. Harry Potter may be “over” for me, but someday I am going to have children and I will introduce Harry Potter to them. It will be new and exciting and I will get to relive that excitement and wonder that I felt as a child. I will be able to sit with them and watch the movies and read them a chapter before bed at night. 

Someday I get to relive Harry Potter all over again through my children. I feel like I really know why everyone says that Harry Potter will never be over. 

I’m sorry, but are all these Republican candidates just TRYING to get Obama re-elected? I mean, hey, heck yeah. I am a full on Obama 2012 supporter. 

Lately, I’ve just been extremely offended with the issue of women’s rights and how most Republican men want to put us back in the dark ages. I’m sorry, no. Hell no. Even if you are a pro-life woman how can you agree with their proposals of cutting out birth control because it impedes on your “religious freedom?” 99% of women use birth control, and I know for a fact that some of the people I have heard spouting this crap about it actually use it. It’s so hypocritical. You don’t want to provide affordable birth control across the board for girls who can’t otherwise afford it? I have a friend who pays sixty-eight dollars a month for birth control. To someone who only makes minimum wage and has other bills to pay, sixty-eight dollars is a lot of money.

Sure, they could always use condoms. Fine. You have a point. However, I started using birth control at fifteen because I have a thyroid disease which made my menstrual cycles not only irregular, but never ending. Before going on birth control I would go months without my period and then months with it. My longest stretch was eight months. The only thing that got me regular was my birth control. Without it I would not have lived a normal life. I wouldn’t have been able to go swimming or feel comfortable sleeping at a friends house. I was tired all the time and passed out more than once. 

And the whole abortion thing…I don’t know. This conception that every girl who gets an abortion is a heartless whore is very distressing. Just because a girl decides that is the best option for her doesn’t mean she woke up one day and thought, Hey, I don’t really care for this pregnancy, I think I’ll have an abortion tomorrow. For some, it is a long and painful choice. It does not come easy and the process itself is horrific. To say that someone would use it as birth control is mind boggling. 

Making abortions illegal is only going to bring us back to the 60s where frightened girls were being smuggled into South America or going into back alleys and getting illegal, unsafe abortions. All that is going to happen is that women will start dying. Plain and simple. Now, abortions are safe. They are 99% accurate and done under supervision. 

I just think that allowing any of these laws to pass and to even think that any of these things are allowable pushes back women’s right all the way back to the 1920s. Soon, doctors are going to be allowed to lie to us about the health of our baby just so that it will be born. Soon we will be denied birth control and will have to account for every sexual act we have. 

Everyone keeps talking about this “Obama-care” bullshit and how “scary” they think it is because soon government will have too much control, yet they begin to create laws and fuel this type of mindset. You don’t want the government all up in your health care, but it’s okay for the government to deny you healthcare and a proper, safe abortion. Right. Because that makes complete sense.

Sometimes I am so thankful that I think the way I do. I really am, because I am looking at this situation with the appropriate amount of horror and outrage while others just keep silent or voice their support. 

I saw something that is completely relevant: A woman voting Republican this year is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders. If you think these types of things won’t affect you, think again. They will begin to affect everything: your sisters, your friends, your daughters, your cousins. 

I’m really unsure of what else to say. I am shocked and outraged that this type of stuff has gotten as far as it has. I will not apologize for being Pro-Choice. 

It’s funny how grief works. At first, you cry every day. Then you cry every other day. Then you cry only once a week. Soon it becomes twice a week, which becomes only once a month. Soon it’s only a few times a year, which will eventually become once a year. Eventually, time washes over you constantly, like waves crashing down onto the sand. Eventually, you only cry every once in a while, but only when caught off guard. 

Right now I’m at the point where I cry pretty much every day. Sometimes it’s only for a moment right before I fall asleep, when I can no longer avoid my thoughts and I am forced to lay in the silence and think. Sometimes it’s when I’m driving alone in my car, once again forced to stay in my own head and run things over and over. 

I know someday this will be a distant memory, not any less important or devastating, but it will not hang itself around my neck and weigh me down. 

Every day is a struggle. Some days are much better than others, and some days are just icky. I know that everything happens for a reason, and there is a certain path I am traveling and there are no random occurrences. The only thing that stops me dead in my tracks is guilt. At first, the guilt wrapped itself around my neck, knotting and tightening until I almost couldn’t breathe. Every time I made a joke, or laughed at a commercial or playfully fought with my boyfriend, I would suddenly be knocked off guard by that gnawing guilt. Who was I to laugh and joke and enjoy life? I have never gone through something like this before. I don’t know the protocol. How long am I supposed to stay somber? When is it okay to go back to normal? Life around me has already gone back to normal, I’m expected to go to work and school, but I still feel like laying in bed with the covers over my head. Laughing and being my usual carefree self seems incredibly disrespectful. I want to move on and begin to heal and “get over” what has happened, but anytime I am not miserably contemplating things or crying I get a small, tiny twinge of guilt in the base of my stomach. 

I guess, as I said, time will eventually heal all wounds. Time will force the life back into me and someday I will see why this had to happen. Someday it will be clear, and then, hopefully, I can find peace in the outcome. So, right now, I cry a few times a week, but soon it’ll only be once a year, and I almost look forward to it. 

kattygirls:

I think you already have one. It’s called a forest.

(Source: onething-voldemortcantunderstand)

(via morphiamusings)

(via morphiamusings)